When he died, I felt nothing. Not even a hint of sadness. I feel like this was the work of my self-defense mechanism. To numb me down. It was like the void was growing bigger and bigger inside of me. It's actually the worst feeling I have ever experienced. I'd rather cry and let it all out, but it just wouldn't come. Soon came guilt. "what is wrong with me, am I a psychopath?", was all I could think about. This person mean so much to me, yet... yet I couldn't even feel sad aboud their death. I'm scared of the strong wave of saddnes that might come. I'm not ready. Not right now. I should have expected it. I even had a dream last night about them. The distant memories resurfaced, it felt so strange... I could feel death comming close... I don't know how should I feel. I hope I figure it out soon.
I've been feeling really numb lately. The constant state of neutrality is driving me insane. I really hopw this feeling isn't forever. She is the only thing that drives the numbness away and replaces it with buzzing warmth...
I love her so much... I really hope she knows that. I don't know where I'd be without her...
The relationships around me are getting more toxic by time. I miss the people I lost. Emotionally I'm not okay right now, but I feel like it's momentary. I don't have as much fun doing things I used to really enjoy. I hate relationships, they are complicated but I care for some poeple.
where did the fun go?
My mood is getting a lot more positive. Let's just hope it's not a short phase. Also WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH THE WORLD?!! I know the racism is going way back in time but why the fuck is it okay to kill people for having a different skin tone in this modern time? And why doesn't the goverment do anything aboUt it? This world is so fucked up. I really hate all this and it brings tears to my eyes. Imagine being in danger all the time just because of the amount of melanin your body produces. This society is disgusting and I hate everything about it. All of these people deserve to live and have peace in their life. #BLM
BLM BLM BLM BLM BLM BLM BLM BLM BLM BLM BLM BLM BLM BLM BLM BLM BLM BLM BLM BLM BLM BLM BLM BLM BLM
That shit hurted. I don't feel like having friends anymore. Lately I've been more positive, but now everything is crumbling to pieces.
Everithing is okay atm. I've been more positive lately so I had nothing to vent about on here. Also BLM wan't a trend, so keep fighting and use your privilege.
Vacation was good. Feeling positive.
I though we were friends...
It's like hell, except that hell is fun. This isn't. Not at all. Maybe it was fun in the beggining, but now I just feel like shit every day.
I do not trust him anymore.
I love her to death.
I hid myself once again; I remembered the night I saw in another dream
Within you lies the part of me that I left behind
Don't look for it, because I'm still not here
I love her.